Do Less….But Better
“A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.”
― Robert A. Heinlein
According to the ‘socials’ if I haven’t run a marathon, aligned my chakras, read a book, journalled, meditated, prepped tomorrows ‘power protein oats’ and downed a kale smoothie - all before sunrise then I’m an abject failure in desperate need of some guru’s soon to be released guide on how to ‘master the day with positivity’.
Good God.
And even if I’m smart enough to take all that with a grain of salt, the pressure is still there. Surreptitiously, hidden away in the dark recesses as I agonisingly assess my success across the day - at being a father, a husband, having a career, bringing home the bacon, keeping my dad-bod at bay, keeping up with the circle of mates as well as finding time to do something just for me.
The Problem
“A ‘Jack of all Trades’ is a master of none”
- Anon
We know the quote, but tend to hammer ourselves into the dirt as we try to be a ‘master’ of all trades.
We’ve all done it, I’ve done it, I’ll probably do it again and so will you. We try to be everything to everyone and either fail to some degree at all of it, or succeed at some of it and then explode in the process. It’s a recipe for madness.
So what do?
It’s boils down to the dichotomy of Depth vs Breadth.
“A ‘Jack of all Trades’ is a master of none - but oft times better than a master of one”
- Anon
That’s the actual full quote.
There’s is nothing wrong with wanting to wear all those hats - from parent to partner to career to health to personal.
It’s about figuring out what hat to wear when, what gets relegated to the back burner, and being ok with not having aligned your chakras by sunrise. You can’t and don’t have to be a master of everything. No-one is - least of all anyone online.
Yes you need to have breadth - like it or not you must fulfill a vast array of roles, across a multitude of timeframes, most of which will involve learning on the job. Breadth will be somewhat finite - you can list the ‘job titles’ down and it won’t particularly expand or subtract greatly.
Yes you need depth - but it has to be calibrated. You’re not going to simultaneously be the greatest parent in the world, whilst running a Fortune 500 company and getting gold at the Olympics. Depth will ebb and flow. You need to find a rhythm. Accept the current and that sometimes you’re in the rapids and sometimes on the shore.
The key to all of this - it’s not what you decide to do but how you arrive at the decision.
You need a framework - then the action can come thick and fast, you have a process for making choices/decisions instead of wingin’ it.
It’s not What, it’s How
What’s my standard?
How do I establish value?
How do I transition?
What’s the standard?
How am I going to measure success here. What’s subpar, what’s good and what’s great? Who am I referencing for that?
You need to set some parameters around how you define success. If you have no idea where to start - start with this - be better than yesterday. I’m a massive fan of this - it’s not about being as good as that guy, or reaching that pinnacle - it’s about incremental improvement.
Try being better than yesterday, every day, and compounding interest will take care of the rest.
2. How do I establish value?
Understand where you derive your value. If you have hung your entire identity (and sense of worth) on your business card then you’re going to have a bad day. Do not sell yourself short - you are a fully functional, multi-faceted complex human being. You’re not a position description in a department.
By recognising this you can suddenly draw a sense of worth, fulfilment, focus, drive - from a number of sources. Some days it will be success at work, others it will be time with family, some days it will be just you. By decentralising your value you not only recognising the breadth of your worth but you fortify it against the knocks and setbacks that life will inevitably deliver.
3. How do I transition?
For most of us, changing from ‘one hat’ to another is not always a simple process. So you need a strategy - a mechanism that works for you to transition from work to home or family to personal - whatever the sequence may be.
I’ve lived failed transitions from both sides of the fence - I’ve been the career parent coming home exhausted to an equally exhausted wife who has juggled literally every else all day and is desperate to hand off some tired and emotional children and get five minutes of her own. And I’ve been (and still am) the stay at home Dad waiting for his wife - total role reversal.
Find a mechanism that allows you to completely exit one role and prepare yourself to be fully functional in the other. Checking your emails on your phone as you charge in the door after work probably isn’t going to do it. But maybe spending ten minutes before you walk in doing some breathing exercises or push ups or throwing the tennis ball with the dog - whatever it is that clears the mental, emotional and physiological slate before you throw on the next hat and try to master that trade.
The common theme through all of this is awareness.
You can passively bounce along all day from role to role - or you can firmly place your hands on the tiller and set course.
Establish and respect boundaries and benchmarks that matter to you and yours.
Know that you are many things, but cannot be all things, all the time.
Learn to actively and positively transition from one hat to the next.
Now you are purposeful.